Category Archives: Love

March 27, 2013 · 10:35 AM

I’m feeling….

men-feelings

I want to talk about feelings today. A lot of women don’t have a problem talking about their feelings but when it comes to men….umm, no, not happening.

It’s to the point where when I do meet a man who does express their feelings I don’t actually believe him. It makes me feel overwhelmed because my brain doesn’t know how to process it all.

I’ll give an example. A while back I met a man who would compliment me constantly. I’m talking in person, through text message, etc …and it wasn’t just about my physical appearance. I had to ask him to stop. I didn’t know how to take it.

Now those aren’t necessarily feelings but what are was how this man reacted to everything. If something made him happy, sad or angry, he expressed it through his words…not all in his actions. This was a new one for me. After much thought I realized I LIKED it! There was SO much less for me to try to figure out and so much more for me to enjoy because of it.

Finally! A man who understood that I’m not freakin’ mind reader!

The sad part is that due life things didn’t work out with his man. No fault to either one of us. In turn I learned that this is a quality in a man that I would like. I realize that a man who can express his feelings is rare but there has GOT to be some more out there!

For anyone reading this…point me in the Right direction and I’ll be ALL over that!

Leave a Comment

Filed under Dating, Love, Single, Trust

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

January 25, 2013 · 1:20 AM

Part 4: Mr. Multiple Underlying Issues

I want to go back to the part where I said my mind was reeling over the last day and couple weeks. It was right after he had shown a pic of him and his ex together and proclaimed that he thought I looked like her. It’s easier and faster to kind of look at it in flack backs.

After I had added him to Facebook he mentioned to me he liked my older pictures where my hair was lighter. I didn’t think anything of if since I like my hair better that way too.

A week before I was to arrive in Ottawa I tried to lighten my hair with a box dye because I really wasn’t digging the dark brown. It didn’t work and I told him this.

Almost the first thing Sam said to me when I arrived was, “Your hair doesn’t look like it’s lighter.”

……….guess who else has lighter hair? Hmm…yep.

I’ve tried to bounce this off some people I know, mainly men at work or male friends. Most of them think the pic is ok UNTIL I tell them Sam only dated the chick for 3 months (until he caught her cheating) 2 years ago. Then they start thinking it’s a little fucked up. One male even commented that he thought it sounded like Sam was trying to relive his memories with me.

Then we add in the strange conversation about his banging an old woman…which I’m starting to think didn’t happen last Christmas, rather the one that had just passed. Who really knows and I’m Not going to ask. As well as the “turning me on” comment and evidence of it at the POF event. That was just wrong on so many levels.

You all who read this, I really want to know what you think about this.

————————

As I ended Part 3 I mentioned I hadn’t heard from Sam in a couple days. I was letting things settle yet I missed him. I was seriously weighing the pros and cons and wondering if I had over-reacted. I cared about him but did I just feel sorry for him or did I want to be with him? He truly does want a relationship with someone and eventually have a child….but it’s not going to be with me.

The first text from his is a picture of a snack we had talked about at one point but wasn’t too familiar with it. A bit random..but I guess he’s good at that.

I was busy making cookies with my son so my answers were short. I’m guessing he was taking my short answers as being too serious as he tells me “sometimes ur to serious” and that he was “just making a suggestion”.

“I’m too serious. Nice.” I replied.

“Just being honest, u need to relax and mellow out a bit.”  Thanks..now I’m annoyed.

I reply, “Do we really want to start listing flaws?” I’m trying to be civil and it looks like he’s trying to pick a fight.

“It seems to me u like to dish it out but u dont like hearing it. So if it makes u feel better than Go for it, but u would only be validating my comment sweetie ;) “

Sweetie… he knows I don’t like that. I prefer someone to use my name. He’s acting like a jerk on purpose so I ask the next logical question.

I text, “Are you drunk?”

“Haha, nope! But nice come back…”

Ok, I’ve had enough. I didn’t ask for this. I’ll give him what he wants so he can have a reason to hate me.

“Ahh, so this why people block you after the fact. You turn into an ass. I had hoped to remain friends but I guess not.” We all know I could have said A LOT worse!

“U just couldnt help ur self now could u. How would u know, did u stock everyone ive been chatting with?”

I’m guessing this is in reference to me checking out the welfare bum he dated back in September. It was on his Facebook and he kept mentioning her all the time..and Not the same one he compared me to. I told him I looked and was honest about it.

“Are you done?” I replied.

“No, one last thing. Drop ur bitchy attitude and maybe u have a decent relationship…now i am done. Don’t txt me unless u want to apologize for over reacting!!” And there it is…

“Good luck in the future,” I reply.

End Drama. Please. I checked Facebook and he had already blocked me. Cool. I won’t be subjected to anything on there.

———————

When I first met him I kept wondering how he was single. He has a decent personality, he looks good, works out, works for the government, his own place and car. What is wrong with this man?

I get it. I SO Get It.

Leave a Comment

Filed under Dating, Love, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , ,

· 12:12 AM

Part 3: Mr. Multiple Underlying Issues

I’m pretty quiet on the bus ride to the area where the POF event is being held. We get there and as I mentioned in my review of the event, it was PACKED! The first thing I did was get a drink, a wonderfully made Caesar, of which was gone in probably a minute. I get another, Sam has his beer and we find a spot to stand near the dance floor.

I’m starting to get into the music a bit and trying to forget the bullshit from earlier. I explained in the review that it was an older crowd at this event. Most of which were a lot older than us. There were some tables close to us and at one of them has a couple making out. The couple looked to be in the early 60s.

If one were to describe them I would accept sweet or cute. Sam turns to me and says, “That’s turning me on.”

I laugh and say, “You’re joking right?”

He says, “I’m not joking, ” and points down to the front of his pants. Oh my god…I’m not drunk enough for this.

Where the hell did the sweet, caring, NORMAL man go that I had initially met? All of a sudden he’s showing pics of other chicks, banging biddies, comparing me to an old ex, and being turned on by people who could be my grandparents? Am I being Punked? Seriously! Where is the freakin’ camera?

I slam back my second drink and get another. It’s while waiting on my third drink that I overhear the conversation I mentioned at the end the review I wrote in another post. Sam had gone to check out some of the art work (which was actually quite decent) and I went back to our spot. All of a sudden he comes back and and says, “Did you see that?”

“See what?”

“This chick took a sip of my beer and gave me a kiss.”

“…ok?”

Then he proceeds to try and make out with me right then and there. Umm…no. I have no desire for this man to touch me. No way!

After this I start thinking that perhaps the reason he wanted me to come this event was to show the Ottawa women that he could get chick. The alcohol is not helping to quell my anger. Well duh. I find myself getting more and more pissed off. I knew I had to leave. We had only been there for about an hour but end up staying for 2 hours. We did slow dance to a couple dances and he held onto me as if it were the last thing he was going to do. I didn’t know if he was showing off or was just that into it.

The bus ride back was very quiet. If I had not been drinking that night I would have driven the 3 hours home. I changed into my pajamas (which I hadn’t worn all weekend so far) and sit on the couch expecting to talk.

Sam changes as well then picks up his cat, sits down beside me and says in his high pitched baby talk voice, “CatsName, how can we make MyName feel better?” More than once he said this as I refused to respond to a grown man who wasn’t actually talking to me.

We went to bed. I shared his bed but I would not let him touch me. I laid there until almost 5am thinking about everything. Sam has issues. Multiple underlying issues.

In the morning Sam gets up before me and makes coffee but doesn’t seem to want to talk about the night before.

I speak up and say, “Are we going to talk about last night like adults?”

And so we talk, kind of. He’s stuck on how he doesn’t understand why I’m upset about the ex comparison. Twice during the conversation he had to go to the bathroom but I don’t really think he was actually using it. From other conversations we had had about his work and from the one I was trying to have with him I definitely felt Sam has an issue with face to face confrontations. I wasn’t raising my voice and I had him confirm that I wasn’t.

As much as my mind kept wanting to focus on the bad I tried to compliment him as well. I told him I appreciated all the things he did like cooking and that I thought he was a terrific lover. I just can’t get passed all the weird shit that had happened that weekend. I even left/hid $100 in cash under his clothes to help pay for all the extra groceries, etc that he had bought for my arrival.

When I went to leave I did give him a hug and a kiss. I was sad and still am since I had started caring for Sam. He said he hoped I would change my mind once I had more time to think about it all. Later that night I logged into POF because I had gotten a message from that guy I mention in the review. I also saw that Sam was online. I deleted my account. I didnt/don’t want to deal with that crap right now.

He wished me Happy Birthday on Tuesday morning, my actual birthday. I thanked him and that was the last I heard from him until today. It had been 2 days since my birthday. I had missed our communication but I wanted to let things settle before I sent a message.

Sam’s attitude was a bit different this time though…

Soon Part 4, last one I swear!

1 Comment

Filed under Dating, Love, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

January 24, 2013 · 11:16 PM

Part 2: Mr. Multiple Underlying Issues

The big weekend finally comes and we are both super excited. I arrive shortly after 5pm on the Friday and everything seemed as it should. Sam cooked me dinner and even baked a pie, store bought, but still, the thought is what counted here. He had even picked up a case of 4 of my favorite vodka coolers.

I have to mention that Sam has a cat. He is very fond of his cat and I think he may spend a little to much time alone with him. To the point where he may baby talk in a high pitched voice to the cat A LOT. It was something I tried to ignore and thought maybe he was just trying to get the cat to be comfortable with me being in his apartment. Maybe…

After dinner we decide it would be fun to visit the Adult Fun Superstore (AFS) as I had never been to one before. We probably spent a good hour browsing the store and I was quite surprised at how busy it was on a snowy Friday night in Ottawa.

After getting back we settled in for a cozy night together. I got into the coolers and Sam into his beer. We got to talking about the POF event he suggested we go to. He told me he went to the one in December because he was meeting someone there. He said it was lucky for me that it didn’t work out because he was able to meet me. He then pulled out his phone and proceeded to show me the woman’s picture. Hmm…odd. I shook it off because the pic was on POF, not on his actual phone. We had both hidden our profiles at this point but not yet deleted them. We had talked about it though.

The next morning Sam made breakfast for us and we laid around until noon before getting ready to go out. The plan for the afternoon was go skating on the canal but the weather wasn’t co-operating. It was a mix of rain and snow. Yuck! The hockey game Sam wanted to see was starting at 3:30pm and we were at the pub for 2pm. The place quickly was packed with hockey fans. Many drinks were had although I never really got drunk due to how busy the place actually was. I guess I could have ordered two at a time but that wouldn’t have been very classy, now would it? :P

Now, speaking of class. At one point Sam turns to me during one of the intermissions and asks, “What’s the oldest you’ve been with?”

I reply, “Do you mean the oldest I’ve had sex with?”

He nods.

I reply, “36 or 37, I believe.”

“Oh,” then turns to watch the game.

You can’t just ask a question like that and leave it like that…so I ask…a couple times…what was with that? So I ask him, “What’s the oldest you’ve been with?”

He shakes his head as if he doesn’t want to answer.

I decide to throw a number out so I say, “50?”

He looks at me and gestures with his thumb pointing up, indicating older. Umm..what?

He never did give an exact age but I’m going to guess 55ish. He explained that he was lonely last Christmas and had gone to a bar for a few drinks. He met this woman and she was hot despite her age and ended up taking her home with him. Nice…

First off I’m wondering why I need to know all this. We’ve all had past lovers, but I really didn’t need to know this. Second, I’m a little grossed out, just a little. That was pretty freakin’ random…or so I thought.

We go back to watching the game and thankfully our food came around that time. I shook off the odd conversation and went back to having a good time. Senators won so everyone was happy and there were no riots in the street. I say that since the you could have sworn it was a play off game on how packed this place was!

We got back to his place approximately 7pm and as we’ve had drinks all afternoon we decide to have a little nap before the POF event. Nap, sex, whatever. It was all in there.

Later, we are showered and getting ready to go out, hanging around his computer listening to music on YouTube. We’re having a couple drinks and I see him clicking around on his desktop. He pulls up a picture of himself and another woman and says, “Hey, do you think you look like her?”

I don’t really want to ask this question but I have to, “Is she your ex?”

“Yep.”

“No, I don’t think I look like her, ” I replied.

“Well, I think you do.”

What.The.Fuck!?! I’m thinking this isn’t really happening. No, he didn’t just do and say that. My brain kicks into overdrive and I start wondering if this whole time (the 8 months to a year we’ve been chatting on POF) that he’s thought I look like his ex and that’s the only reason why he wanted to meet me.

Ok, so I’m a little ticked off. I tell him that I didn’t think that was appropriate. Sam then tells me it’s his last ex from 2 years ago that he dated for only 3 months. (3 months!) He apologizes but he doesn’t see to understand why I’m upset.

I go and sit in the living room and pretend I’m checking Twitter on my phone. No, I’m actually reeling back the last day and couple weeks in my head…and I’m not happy with what I discover.

In this time he gets his coat and boots on because he thinks we’re still going out. I get the idea in my head that perhaps more alcohol will tame my exploding mind and ease my anger.

Yeah, that’s always a good idea….right? Wrong.

Stay tuned for Part 3…

Leave a Comment

Filed under Dating, Love, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , ,

· 8:52 PM

Part 1: Mr. Multiple Underlying Issues

I was going to hold off on writing this post in hopes of salvaging a friendship. Sadly, the person I’m going to write about gave me the “go ahead” by telling me off via text message. It was unprovoked and quite juvenile.

Let’s start at the start:

Over the last 8 months or so (he said the last year so not sure) I had been contacted more than once by man who lives in Ottawa. This is approximately 3 hours from where I live. He had an interesting profile and he looked decent. We would chat a bit on Plenty of Fish(POF) but I would always dismiss him politely saying the distance was just too far. He would always joke that I should move there.

I’m going to call him Sam so I don’t have to keep calling him “this man.” Over the Christmas holidays Sam and I had started having brief chats again. Nothing too serious.

It’s New Years Day and my last guest had just left. I was thankful that the festivities from the night before did not leave me as hung over as I should have been. I decide I’m bored and feel like going on a road trip. I have a friend in Kingston (an hour away) who I have stayed with from time to time. I figured I would head in that direction and see what happens. I packed a backpack with my hair and tooth-brush as well as a change of clothes. I got in my car and drove.

It was then that I got a “Happy New Year” message from Sam on POF. My phone is equipped with speech to text so I was able to tell him that I was having a road trip and heading in his direction. Somehow I got it into my head to drive the 2hrs passed Kingston to Ottawa to meet Sam. I think it might have been the fact that it was a new year, new people, new…something. Or maybe I was trying to finally get Mr. Feeble Heart out of my system.

When I stopped for gas I sent my phone number to make speech to text easier. We arranged to meet at pub style restaurant to have dinner and drinks. I arrived a little after 6pm. I was thankful that Sam looked like his pictures after that long drive. We sat there and had a great conversation for over 3 hours. I liked him right away. It’s not very often someone can actually have a conversation!

It was about 9:30pm when Sam politely suggests that he doesn’t think I should drive home so late. To make a longer story short, I didn’t go home. I took his invitation to stay at his place. We watched Ted (hilarious btw) and talked even more. I may have taken the spirit of “new things” a little too far in that he didn’t sleep on the couch as originally planned. I was very pleasantly surprised in this department. :P

The next day I left around noon as I had to work at 7pm. In my head I’m thinking that I’ll probably never hear from him again because…well…the night before…and we had just met…yeah…some regrets there. I was happily wrong.

He blasted my phone with texts in a good way from the time I said I was home until halfway through the night while I was at work and he finally went to bed. I was off the following weekend and we made plans for him to come to my home. The texts never felt like too much or too little. Just the right amount of communication. While he was here I made him dinner and we attended an OHL game for my local team (he’s a huge hockey fan). Despite the distance things seemed to be clicking very well….or so I thought.

My birthday was coming up in a couple of weeks and it was planned that I would come to his place for the weekend since my kids would be away. In that two-week wait we texted up a storm about what we would do. Everything from possibly skating on the canal, shopping and going out to a pub to watch the his favorite NHL team play their first game (as the NHL lockout was finally over). The only odd thing at that point was him suggesting we attend the Ottawa POF event the Saturday night. He said he had gone to one the month before and thought it was “pretty cool.” I initially said no but changed my mind as I thought perhaps I could write a review on it….of which I did here.

Needless to say I was very excited for this weekend……

Stay tuned for Part 2 as this post is getting rather long.

Leave a Comment

Filed under Dating, Love, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

· 11:36 AM

Review: Ottawa POF Event

The weekend of January 18th to 20th I was in Ottawa, Ontario. I was there to initially celebrate my birthday and it was suggested for the Saturday night that I attend my first POF Event. I was wary but I decided that if it went badly that at least it was in a city where no one knew me . (…and 3 hours from where I live. :) )

The first thing I did was check out the event details on Plenty of Fish (POF). I saw that you could “Join the Party” by clicking on a button to say you were going. I thought it would be a good idea to show that another person I was going to the event.  My profile was hidden so I thought that it would just show an increase in the number of people attending. I think that was a mistake. All of a sudden I started getting e-mails from POF saying I was being favorited by a bunch of Ottawa men. Pardon me? Upon logging in and checking the “Who’s viewed me” I saw a long list of Ottawa men had been able to view my profile despite that it was supposed to be hidden. I checked my settings and yes, it was still hidden to the rest of the world. Hmm…

I thought about not going to the event because of this. I decided to go due to thinking that perhaps this was part of the experience. I’ve never been to a party, dance, or event where I had fore-knowledge of everyone (men and women) who was going to be there.

The event was held at a small place called the Atomic Rooster and started at 9pm. I arrived with a male friend a little after 10pm. The place was PACKED! I was surprised since it was raining/snowing all day and still was at that point. It was hard to even find a place to stand let alone sit down. We got some drinks and finally wedged ourselves between the dance floor and seating around. By the way, both bartenders make good Caesars as I had 3 of them while I was there. :)

I noticed first thing that it was an “older” crowd. I say older since I was turning 33 in a couple of days and many of the people there were about 40+. There were some that were younger but I only know this due to having viewed their profile after the fact (and only because they had viewed mine).

The music was loud enough to feel the beat but not so loud that you couldn’t talk. They played a good mix older tunes (Bryan Adams) and new ones (Gangnam Style). The dance floor was never completely empty. I did notice the token “grazer” (as I call them) who asks every woman to dance or joins in on women dancing together. Us women know who I’m talking about. It’s the guy who’s looking for a lonely woman to take home with him and he’s at every bar.

It appeared that many of the people knew each other or were friends. On the dance floor there were equal amounts of small groups of singles to couples. One man had a birthday announced that was accompanied by a large birthday cake complete with candles. The woman who made the announcement said she had met her friend on POF. I thought it was a nice gesture and it added to the friendly atmosphere.

I did have one annoyance though but I won’t fault the event for it. I was waiting for the bartender to make my drink when I overheard a man at the bar talking to his friend. Considering he was only about 2 feet away it was hard not to hear him.

“There’s not a whole lot of good-looking women here. There’s one over there, and over other and one riiiiight heerreee.” (I spelled it that way because he said it that way, ugh)

I glanced over in that direction and he was looking right at me. Yep, he was talking about me. A normal person would have said hello, he did not. He continued to talk to his friend. However, he did send me a message on POF the next day telling me how beautiful my eyes were (in the half a second he saw them) and that he was too shy to talk to me. Lost opportunity bud! 

All in all the event was friendly, decent music, no lack of dance partners and no cover. That being said I probably wouldn’t go again unless I was a little older or if I was planning on meeting someone there.

Questions, comments and requests for elaborations always welcome. :)

3 Comments

Filed under Dating, Love, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

Quote

In your life, you meet people. Some you never think…

“In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.”

Leave a Comment

January 5, 2013 · 3:00 PM
Quote

It’s hard to sa…

“It’s hard to say you’re seeing someone when you don’t see them.”

1 Comment

December 22, 2012 · 12:49 AM
December 12, 2012 · 5:38 PM

No Way Christian Grey!

As most of you know I tend to write about the people I meet from online dating. Most of which are bad. As of late I’ve taken a bit of a break. This is partly due to the holiday season and also due to there really not being much out there. That being said, I found it necessary to update my profile on Plenty of Fish (POF) with the following 3 things:

1. If your picture most recent picture is more than 3 months old…then you don’t have a recent picture. I update mine all the time and as you can see, for the most part I don’t change except my hair colour.

2. If we start talking and we end up adding each other to Facebook…the last thing I or anyone else wants to see in someone to date is pictures of you and your ex….ESPECIALLY wedding pictures. I’m not saying delete them entirely. Keep them on your computer for your kids if you have to. It makes one wonder if you’re really ready to start something new if you’re holding onto the past.

3. I do not want to hear about or read about how you are like “Christian Grey”….especially if you say you are looking for a relationship. Yes, I have read the book…but I also found the male lead to be a controlling ass who is emotionally unavailable. That being said, being like that character is not something that will get my attention.

It may seem like I’m a bit bitchy when it comes to these updates but seriously I really don’t think I’m too off base in my “helpful advice” and intentions.

Questions and comments always welcome. :)

Leave a Comment

Filed under Dating, Love, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

November 29, 2012 · 8:09 PM

The Exes Factor

A few weeks ago I learned that my most recent ex (of 2.5 years ago and the father of my son) had broken up with his girlfriend. I learned this from my 4 year old son as I was giving him a bath one night. Just out of the blue, no probing….since I would normally care less.

A week later guess who appears on the dating site that I frequent. Yep, you guessed it. The ex. Ugh. Of course, since I’m not totally unfortunately looking, he views my profile. Perfect.  To my surprise and dread, I get this message from him:

Him: “Hey, you look really good in your pictures and I like what you wrote in your profile. No, I’m not stalking you, just saying.”

Me: “Thanks, blocking you now.”

Now the stalking comment came from when he texted me an hour before that about seeing my picture but didn’t click on it. I had told him I don’t care if he clicked on it because at least my profile was honest. I had viewed his and had a good laugh..especially at the part where he states he’s a good listener……..yeah, right. Anyways…

Exes are exes for a reason. When I told my friends about this they asked if I would get back together with him. WHAT? Do they not remember what kind of hell I went through when we split? To save writing a bunch of drama it was a resounding HELL NO!

I will admit that I did like that he thought I looked good. Who wouldn’t? But any good thoughts stop there. He is a good dad but was a horrible husband. He jumped right into a relationship(with someone Way younger) a month after we split and I’ve been pretty much single the whole time. I guess it’s hard to trust someone new when you’re too busy looking for red flags the last relationship raised.

Has anyone else had this happen before? If so, how did you handle it? Comments always welcome!

 

1 Comment

Filed under Dating, Divorce, Love, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single, Trust

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,