Tag Archives: dating

Your Ex? Who cares?!?

breaking-habits

You’re NOT ready to date if you CANNOT stop talking about your ex. I understand that if you have kids then you will always have contact with the ex….but you don’t have to mention or talk about the ex. I think we’ve evolved enough that we won’t assume the children just popped up out of nowhere.

With these statements in mind, I really wish people would take the time to heal before attempting to date. Go out with your friends, make new ones, but PLEASE do not ask out women who are Not looking for just friends then use them as a sounding board about your ex. This has happened to me more than once. I make it quite clear in person and in my profile what I’m looking for. Ignoring what I want is another example of disrespect.

I firmly believe that if one doesn’t take the time to reflect that it will only sabotage any new relationship. What often happens when people jump into something new right away is that you behave the same as you did in the last relationship….and you expect the new person to behave like the ex.

Example: The ex went out with their friends and you later find out that they cheated on you that same night in turn destroying your trust. You break up and you meet someone new. Someone new wants to go out with their friends but  you think if your girl/boyfriend goes out they will cheat. Why doesn’t your new relationship have to suffer for the mistakes your ex made?

Signs you’re NOT ready to Date:

  • All you talk about is your Ex. What he/she is doing, what they used to do, etc.
  • You’re in the process of a messy court battle – Divorce, Custody, etc.
  • You have pictures of you and your ex together still on your walls, bedroom, phone and Facebook. I get that if you have kids you may want to save the pictures for them. I don’t think it’s right to go to someone’s place for the first time and see lovey dovey pictures of my date and his ex. Same goes with wedding pictures on Facebook. If I add someone and their profile picture is a wedding shot…Umm No. ( It’s happened…)
  • You talk badly about your ex in front of your kids. This is an absolute NO NO even if you hate your ex 10 years later.
  • You send your ex nasty text messages and e-mails just to try and hurt them…and then tell people about it. This is Harrassment. The also includes writing horrible status messages about your ex. No one wants to read that drama, or any drama.
  • You drive by your ex’s place to see what they are doing or if someone else is there. This is Stalking and is Never acceptable.

To conclude I will say it’s ok to have momentary relapses of hate for the ex…but please, try to do it around friends or other people who understand your plight….or start a blog. :P

Comments always welcome and please share! Get the message out about moving on!

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Filed under Dating, Divorce, Online Dating, Single

Window Shopping for Sex

When it comes right down to it, online dating is like window shopping. Many are browsing just to see what is there with no “intent to buy”. I looked in the Urban Dictiontionary for “window shopping” and I got what I thought I would find but then I also came upon this 3rd definition:

“When a man or woman in a relationship flirts with someone else, with no intention of taking it any further than that. It’s like looking at a brand new 50″ HDTV without the intention of buying it, even though it’s still nice to imagine having sex with it. Example: Matt loves his girlfriend, but he likes to go window shopping on occasion.” – Urban Dictionary

 

Well holy shit! This is exactly what some men and woman do when it comes to online dating. People go on the dating sites because they don’t get enough attention from their spouses. They have no intention of meeting anyone (which is good for their spouses) but they waste honest peoples’ time (bad for people like me). This irks me to no end.

Another thing that has been annoying me lately is the Intent part of people’s profiles. Almost everyone is listing themselves as “Wants to date but nothing serious”. That’s perfectly fine…but I want a relationship eventually…so I STATE that as my intention. When I ask men about that they say, “Well if it’s right then I’m open to a relationship.” Well no shit! Do they think that I’m just going to jump into something with someone because I they also stated they want a relationship? Umm no. I’m not going to jump the while “getting to know each other process.”

Another example of people who don’t know what they want! Figure it out! Please! Sigh

P.S. If you want to date with nothing Serious…then why do these same guys want to have sex with every woman they meet? I’m pretty sure the last time I checked that a man’s penis entering any orifice constitutes as something serious!

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I think this turned more into a rant. Bah, it is what it is. :P

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Plenty of Fish Antics with Pics!

I have often complained using Facebook, Twitter or directly to my friends about what people do (or don’t do) when they are attempting to meet people online. I’ve started documenting some of this on my phone using the Screen Capture function. I’ve modified the screen shots to hide the person’s username and face for their privacy. I didn’t hide me…well, because you all know it’s me! :)

I want you to look closely at this picture. First I was taking a picture of the fact that once again another man has made the typo of “women” instead of “woman”. pof1Second. I noticed that he says he’s looking to find someone to marry. I have often wondered if these men subliminally don’t know what they want so they type “women” and their brain just doesn’t register the typo. I have seen it A LOT so it’s not just this guy.

 

pof2Here we have a classic example of either someone who is Really new to online dating or is just lazy. I do realize that not every person is going to respond to every message they get but at least try to put some effort into it. Saying just “hi” or “hello” is not acceptable. That being said, I have received the opposite before as well. I’ve had people send me paragraphs  in a First message where I had to reply that I wasn’t interested for whatever reason (distance, etc). Sadly, due to my frustration with these people I sometimes reply in a bit of a bitchy manner. You see this in this message and will see more of it in some other screen shots. In his profile he lists that he has a Masters Degree and bunch of other intellectual “stuff”. Impressive but what’s he going to do? Walk around with his degree stapled to his shirt and hope it gets him past the awkward moment when all he says is “Hi.” ???

 

pof3This guy here lists himself as wanting a relationship. His profile seemed decent and he looked good too so I figured I might as well send a message. It wasn’t long before he kept trying to carry the conversation in a different direction. As you can see from the screen shot I called him out on it. It’s no wonder us women get confused then get defensive when a real man messages us. Yes, the messages were happening after midnight but it was a Tuesday night and I was at work….so it’s less likely the guy was drunk…less likely but who knows!

 

 

 

pof4I am not going to judge someone for not having a car. In this day and age cars/gas are getting more and more expensive. I have dated men who do not have cars but they usually lived in the same city as myself. Lately I’ve had many men from all over (20km and more) message me and want to meet me yet they have no mode of transportation. They either expect that since I have car that I’m going to come get them or they offer me money for the gas. I’m sorry but I am Not a taxi. When it comes to something like that I expect 50/50. Gas money and driving time…because Time is a HUGE deal when you’re a parent.

 

 

 

pof5This man is in his early 40′s and I normally wouldn’t have seen his profile but he had checked me out. I clicked on it and he had only the one picture on his profile. Classic bathroom picture yet he’s wearing Sunglasses. So, being the bitch that you all know I can be, I call him out on it. He says he wants casual/no commitment and writes that he’s looking for “fun excursions”. We all know what that means… He tries to explain himself out of it but I’m not buying it at all. He then shared with me another picture where he looked NOTHING like his original picture…as in way older and heavier. I don’t care if a man is burly. It looks good on most men…but don’t hide yourself and think it’s going to be ok when the person finally see what you Really look like. Everyone deserves to be loved but no one deserves to be lied to!

 

pof6pof7 There is just NO helping this guy. He seems to think it’s perfectly OK to tell a woman he’s only just started talking to that his “Junk” is “hairless”. Wow, as you can see I was quite surprised to read that. Where he says he’s sorry in the first message I had just finished explaining that certain comments come across badly over text.

Well, I hope you all got a good laugh at some of the stuff I’ve had to deal with. I’m starting to think I should try speed dating as this online thing doesn’t seem to be working out. :P

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My Day from Hell and a Date

To say the least the month of April can go back from whence it came. It has cost me a LOT of money. I’m going to give you a little bit of a run down of what has been going on.

It started with my car. At the start of April I got a tune up done on my car. A week later the transmission on my car decided it didn’t like going in reverse. As most car owners know, transmissions are super expensive to have fixed. I’ve constantly been fixing my car (like something new every month) so I drove my car while “strategically” parking for a week. I was able to get my hands on a new “New To Me” car….where I now have payments. Ugh. But, it runs and all major parts (that I’ve fixed in my old car) are now under warranty.

A couple Fridays ago the weather in Ontario was Very un-Spring-like. So much so that we had an ice storm. We are talking, school buses cancelled, accidents every where, downed tree branches from the weight of the ice and extensive power outages. Thankfully I was still able to take my kids to school because I am in town and they don’t require to be bused there. It was my day off and I had plans to get my stereo installed in my “new” car…got to have my tunes!

As I’m waiting on the install I’m texting and reading stuff on my phone when it jumps out SmashedHTCOneXof my hand. I’ve dropped it countless times before, even on the concrete floors at work, and it’s been fine. Not this time, not on This day. Smashed. Like little bits of glass coming out and potentially into my fingers or onto my face when I went to use it type Smashed. Perfect. 

Needless to say, after the install I had to get see about a new phone. $400 and an additional year to my contract later, I have my new phone…which is the same model as my old phone sans the smashed screen. It’s the HTC One X, it’s awesome and does everything, no need to go to something else!

One to the date planned for that same night. I had been talking to a guy for a little over a week. He asked to meet me on Friday so I planned to put my son to bed at my mother’s where I would pick him up in the morning. The man was newly single and I was wary of that. Mainly because a lot of newly single men (and sometimes women)  happen to only want to do One thing, as I’ve called it before the “fuck everything that moves” stage.

NachosetcWe met up at my favorite sports bar because I figured if it didn’t go well that at least I knew I would like the food and the drinks. We were there an hour and a half before we decided to leave. I know I wasn’t feeling it and guessing he didn’t either. Oh well.

We get outside and I noticed that I had left my headlights on. Yeah, you guessed it. My battery was dead. In my “new” car. The guy didn’t have booster cables. Now what freakin’ guy doesn’t have booster cables? WTF? The guy offers to drive me home. I accepted despite not really wanting him to know where I live.

At this point I’m shaking my head wondering what kind of unlucky dark cloud is following me that day. Really? REALLY?

I was able to get a hold of one of my Best guy friends who also has booster cables. He picked me up, boosted me and made sure I was able to get my car going and home. I’m very thankful for good friends! I was very happy when midnight came in hopes that my day from Hell was over!

To conclude about my date, he messaged me the next day and said he didn’t think he was ready for what I’m looking for. Well duh. That being said he added that he would “love to see me naked” and that we should “get a little too drunk one night.”

Umm, no. I’m good.

I haven’t spoken/texted him since and do not plan on it.

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“But…I Am a mom!”

I was recently reminded of something that happened to me last summer.

I had gone out dancing with my friend to a local bar (it’s That small of a town that we don’t have clubs) and was stopped by a man. He grabbed my hand and said to me:

“Wow, you look so much better in person!”

“Pardon me?” I replied.

“I recognize you from the dating website,” he said while he eyed me from head to toe. Kind of creeped me out at that point.

“Ok..?”

“I also want to tell you that you look too much like a mom in your pictures,” he says straight faced.

“But…I am a mom!” I replied and walk away.

At that moment my hair was down, I was wearing nice body hugging shirt and shorts as well a sexy pair of heels. Not something I wear every day but it’s fun to go out and look great. I don’t have to look like a mom ALL the time and I know this.

Later the man found me again, apologized and told me how awesome I looked. He tried to explain himself and as I was there to dance, I kind of only half listened at the time.

That fact that he commented about my pictures made me think a bit later. Now I don’t post pictures of my kids on the dating site but I do post pictures of myself in my normal clothes. My comfy American Eagle everything wear. I can write that I clean up nice but pictures speak louder than words, right?

I did end up posting a picture in my “evening wear.”

I hate to admit it but I think the guy was right about one thing. Not about me looking like a mom…but more because I Only looked like a mom. I tell people I have two personalities: Mom and Not So Mom. I guess I had show both!

That being said, I’m still single regardless. :P

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I’m feeling….

men-feelings

I want to talk about feelings today. A lot of women don’t have a problem talking about their feelings but when it comes to men….umm, no, not happening.

It’s to the point where when I do meet a man who does express their feelings I don’t actually believe him. It makes me feel overwhelmed because my brain doesn’t know how to process it all.

I’ll give an example. A while back I met a man who would compliment me constantly. I’m talking in person, through text message, etc …and it wasn’t just about my physical appearance. I had to ask him to stop. I didn’t know how to take it.

Now those aren’t necessarily feelings but what are was how this man reacted to everything. If something made him happy, sad or angry, he expressed it through his words…not all in his actions. This was a new one for me. After much thought I realized I LIKED it! There was SO much less for me to try to figure out and so much more for me to enjoy because of it.

Finally! A man who understood that I’m not freakin’ mind reader!

The sad part is that due life things didn’t work out with his man. No fault to either one of us. In turn I learned that this is a quality in a man that I would like. I realize that a man who can express his feelings is rare but there has GOT to be some more out there!

For anyone reading this…point me in the Right direction and I’ll be ALL over that!

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Finally! Facebook!

Thanks to Facebook making it so that people like me can create a page and Not use my Personal page….you’re now able to LIKE me on there. As much as I love to share my experiences with you all, it doesn’t mean I wanted to share pictures of my kids with you all as well. I do/did share my blog on my personal page but I would rather not Spam my friends who could care less about my dating life. :)

So… here it is: http://www.facebook.com/AnotherSingleWomansBlog

LIKE the page to get notifications on Facebook of new blog posts…AND/OR Follow of Twitter…but that tends to get a bit raunchier. lol

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Smarter Online Dating Tips by @HollyCSees

Lately it takes a lot for me to get excited but last week I did….and it wasn’t about a man! LOL I was contacted via Twitter to write a short blurb about online dating. First I thought there was no way I could do that. But, after reading some of the other articles on the site I noticed that you don’t have to be a great writer, just be able to convey a message….as well be able to use spell check. The hardest part for me was trying to be concise enough to be able to fit into the 300-400 word limit without losing my message.

Well, I did it. Sent it off and within hours was e-mailed that I would be published on Sunday. Last Sunday. It looks so pretty so I’m going to share it. I didn’t get paid accept for being able to add the link to my blog in the article. It was fun…although I much prefer my usual style of writing, swearing et al.

Smarter Online Dating Tips by @HollyCSees

 

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Mr. History of Violence

When one first becomes single the thought of dating and finding someone new kind of puts you off. You spend time with your friends but after a while you start looking around. You notice that all your friends are paired up and start to think it might be nice to be paired up too. That being said, the person has to be pretty special for me to want to give up any of my independency.

The hard part of getting back “into the game” is figuring out the rules. You always want to put your best foot forward but from my experience not everyone has a best foot. This is where I learned that I should ask certain questions BEFORE I meet them. The question I should have asked with man I’m going to write about is, “Do you have a criminal record?”

This is significant because I was still going to college with “dreams” of becoming a correctional officer. I even had that information in my dating profile as I “thought” it might ward off people with criminal records and who used drugs. HA…quite the opposite. I learned quickly to take that information out as some people have sick cop/robber type fantasies.

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I was single about 6 months and a man who had the traditional “bad boy” look to him kept sending me messages on the dating site. He would always compliment me and tell me that he would like to take me out. I kept declining until I found myself with some free time and decided on a whim to meet up with him.

We went out for wings and everything seemed fine. The conversation flowed fairly well until I got to the part about what I was taking in school. He got really quiet and I jokingly said, “You don’t have a criminal record, do you?”

Apparently he very much did! He had spent 3 years in a Youth facility for shooting a man when he was 14. He explained that a family member had been involved in some gang activity and was shot on their doorstep. He had picked up the weapon the shooter had dropped and shot at the shooter.

Wow…that was A LOT to take in. My mind was whirling all over the place and already trying to figure out my exit strategy.

We had continued to eat our wings and I tried to appear not to be phased by his confession. I tried to consider that it was something that happened 20 years ago when he was a Youth.

So I asked, “Do you have an adult record?”

Nonchalantly he says, “Oh, just a domestic about a year ago.”

Uhh…for those of you who don’t know “domestic” means Domestic Assault which means it was most likely against his ex. With further explanation from him I learned it very much was on his ex wife. Perfect. He tried to make the story sound in his favor (they always do) but I wasn’t buying it. Not one freakin’ word!

“Just a domestic” ….he obviously didn’t think that was a huge deal and thought it was acceptable to assault someone he supposedly cared about. Fuck That!

Needless to say, I wasn’t going to see this person again.

I gained some definite insight into what dating would be like for me. I realize dating in your 30′s that most people will have some baggage. A child or two, exes, whatever….but shooting someone and domestic assault? I can’t accept that nor would I put myself and my children in that position.

Questions and comments always welcome. :)

P.S.  - Those who know me, please don’t be alarmed. This happened approximately 2.5 years ago.

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Being open to a relationship doesn’t mean…

“Being open to a relationship doesn’t mean just my legs.” – Me

Yep, I totally thought that line up all by myself. Feel free to quote me as I think there is some truth to it.

Excuse me while I take a break from wading through the bottom feeders.

I’m clearly lost.

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