Tag Archives: friendship
I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a rebound when it comes to this man. Again.
I finally thought to ask him how long he has been single and how long he was with his last girlfriend. Single 3 weeks and was with her for 6 months. Ugh.
No question, I am the rebound. Why does this keep happening? I think I have an idea as to why and I’ll be addressing this in another post.
The main reason for this post is an update for people who were wondering about this guy….along with me. I’ve determined that (after two 12hr shifts of thinking) that I am indeed his rebound and that I refuse to be as such. I absolutely refuse to be a “temp” woman until he finds someone closer. This isn’t negative, it’s realistic…and kinda what happened before.
So, I’ve told him all this….since we aren’t dating. I’ve thrown all my shit out there for him to see.
On to the next…
Now my head is messed up. This entry is an update to the post I made yesterday entitled The One Who Got Away Just Contacted Me. I was super excited and totally freaking out about see him again.
I met him at that park where we went for a walk the first day we met. It’s also the same place where I do all of my rollerblading. He’s early…I had planned on getting there before him so I could try and relax while drinking my coffee. Considering he lives about 45 minutes away from me, the fact that he was early made me think he really must have wanted to see me.
He rode his sport bike and of course looked as handsome and sexy as ever. He hadn’t changed a bit. He asked for a hug first thing. His hug is strong and soft at the same time. The kind of hug where you feel safe. I could have melted. Damn, how does he have that effect on me?!?
We talked, laughed and caught up. We did go rollerblading for a short time. About 2kms or so. I say short since when I go on my own its usually at least 10kms. All the while I’m checking him out and wondering why is he here?
Afterwards we stop at my place to drop off his motorcycle and go out for lunch. He constantly complimented me about how great I look and how smart I am. He even mentioned that he doesn’t understand why or how I’m still single. This is where I mentioned that I now write this blog about my dating misadventures, even about the epiphany I had the other day. We even talked about why things didn’t work between us. Mainly the distance between us.
He instantly asked if I had written about him. I told him I did just that morning and he wanted to read it. Ah crap.. After a few minutes I get out my phone and let him read the post. He commented that he thought it was sweet and again how intelligent I am. I was slightly embarrassed that he got to have a glimpse into my head.
All the while we are talking and hanging out he looks at me right in the eyes. I swear this man has the most intense eyes. He looks Right at me and when he does I know, or at least think, he’s with me and his head isn’t anywhere else. I don’t know how he does it.
After lunch we somehow fit in some snuggle time on my couch. It felt like how we were before…although in my head I’m thinking it’s been over a year since I’ve physical seen this man and almost 5 months since we had any contact with each other (the June birthday text I sent). The connection and attraction was definitely still there.
Finally, he had to leave so that he could pick his daughter up from school. I ended up taking a short nap since my head was swimming (and still is). I needed a break.
I. Will. Not. Chase.
I swore I wasn’t going to text him first. Swore it. Even swore to my friend who agreed that when I talked about him, I did indeed call him the one who got away.
A couple hours later he texts me to tell me he had a great time. Holy shit.. It’s not like we had a bad time, but I sincerely have no idea where this is going.
Later that night, after our kids were in bed, my phone is blown up by him..and his blown up by mine. It was like old times. Although I’m truly trying to hold back. Why should I let him just waltz back into my life when I don’t really know what his intentions are. I wouldn’t say I was hurt the last time around but I was definitely disappointed. The reality of the distance was there from the get-go.
I’m dumbfounded. My mind is boggled. A big huge WTF and where did this come from?
I’m definitely over analyzing every minute and every text. Sadly I’m being a typical woman right now and I hate it.
I’m a bit of a basket case right now. In about an hour I am going to meet up with a man I met about a year and a half ago. We dated briefly until things got in the way that we couldn’t control.
I refer to this man as the one who got away. He is awesome in so many ways. We had so much fun together. Could always talk or just hang out and say nothing. Although we only saw each other for about 2 months, he definitely had a profound effect on me and think about him from time to time.
Just last week I deleted his number from my phone because I figured there was no reason for me to have it. Last I heard…and this was back in June when I wished him a happy birthday through text message, that he was seeing someone. And why wouldn’t he be? He’s an amazing man!
He’s super handsome, has a great personality, dances, works out, has a great career in the trades, has a house, multiple vehicles and a beautiful daughter that he has most of the time. The bad part….he lives/d 45 minutes away. I originally shot him down because of the distance but he swore he came to my town often because of family. We would meet up when the kids were in school. Did lunches, and active things…he even took me to a private range where we taught me and let me shoot his handguns (all registered and licensed btw). I thought that was great since I went to school to become a correctional officer so it was something I needed to learn eventually.
I could gush about this man forever…
There was even one night where he decided he was going to come see me (it actually was his birthday weekend) and we were going to go dancing and have some drinks. We got a little tipsy and he stayed at my place. I will tell you without a doubt that we did Not have sex. Oh…I absolutely wanted to…but he said we should just cuddle. We did, and it was sweet….and the only man to ever suggest such a thing, especially with a bunch of drinks into him.
The summer came and the kids were out of school. The relationship hadn’t progressed enough that we wanted to let our kids meet…so seeing each other was difficult. We drifted apart and he started seeing someone closer distance wise. Although I wished it was me…I still wanted him to be happy.
This morning at 6:36am I wake up to see this text from a number with no name:
“Good morning!!! What’s up??”
Confused and with only one eye open, “Who is this?”
“Gah!!!!!!! haha it’s ______”
Holy shit…wtf, oh my god….so many things swirled around my head.
“I was just wondering if you wanted to go rollerblading today?”
……fuck yeah! I scream in my head. This is significant since I had tracked down a pair of blades for him but we never ended up going. I was to teach him how to do it. I asked if he was coming here and he said he absolutely would.
I’m freaking out..seriously.
That being said, I’m going to drill him. I’m going to find out absolutely what he’s up to…not that he ever really played any games with me that I know of. But as any woman would, I’m already over analyzing everything.
I posted yesterday about how you should embrace being single and last night was a perfect example of what could happen if you do.
I was supposed to meet my co-workers at a local restaurant where we usually sit at the bar, have some food and drinks then head over to the strip club across the street afterwards.
By 8pm I’m ready and I haven’t heard from either of the two guys I usually hang out with. 8:30pm rolls around and I say “screw it” and go by myself. I show up at 9pm, have a seat at the end of the bar and order my drink and a menu. I’m a couple of seats down from a really nice looking man who is chatting with the guy beside him. I order my food then look up when I hear the man ask me how I am. The guy he was talking to apparently had left.
I was shocked at first but was friendly as it was better than looking down at my smart phone and pretending to ignore everyone around me. I wasn’t there to be anti-social. We chatted lightly and found out he’s from out of town. Not only that but he’s in town because the company he owns produces equipment that the company I work for just bought. He’s here to help with trial runs of the equipment. Small world!
In chatting I find out all sorts of things about him…like he’s married. Which is fine with me since I’m not looking to pick up, especially someone from out of town. One of my co-workers finally shows up at 10:30pm (he slept in) since I had texted him to get his butt there. By this time I’m on my 4th cocktail, had a huge plate of nachos and having a great time talking with this guy. I make introductions and we all end up chatting about work while their beer flows and I have another cocktail.
The restaurant is closing at 11:30pm and my co-worker and I are surprised when Mr. Man says he’s paying for it ALL. Apparently since he owns his company and we work for the company he is here for….it’s ALL going his expense account. Well…we were both shocked and thanked him. I totally ate and got drunk for free with all intentions of paying for it.
We then headed across the street to the strip club and Mr. Man paid for all the drinks there too. I only had two more since I was already feeling it by that time. Through out the night he had regaled us with stories of his travels all over the world with his company. Lots of laughs and stories all around with a total stranger. We thanked him profusely (since just weren’t used to that type of thing) for the hospitality and he thanked us for keeping him company.
The fact that this all happened because I decided to go out alone makes me feel good. It shows that being comfortable with yourself and your singleton status can only lead to good things.
Now…only if Mr. Man lived in this town and wasn’t married.
One thing I’ve learned about being single for over two years is that the best way to live it is to embrace it. Some view being single as just horrible and that’s not socially acceptable. To be “normal” is to be with someone, perhaps married, and to have kids, etc.
You know what? Those people can blow it out their ass. Figuratively or literally if they so choose.
I’ve done the whole married and common-law thing. Twice. I’ve done the whole have a kid thing. Twice. You know what it got me in the end? Messed up issues when it comes to men, a whole crap load of debt, and the label of being a “single mom”. This label is scary in the it scares men away but also has potential to lure the wrong kind of men. Some men think that if the woman is a mom that she’s “easier” because she’s obviously had sex and desperate because no one wants a single mom. Uhh…pardon me?
I work full-time, own a house and I do have two kids. But I also have custody 50% of the time. This means that there are days when I have the day/night off and I can do whatever the hell I want. An example of this is that it’s Wednesday. I slept all day because I worked 12hrs last night. I’ve just finished washing my hair and about to straighten it. I’m going out tonight with a couple of co-workers and the plan is to have a few (a lot) drinks and perhaps visit the strip club across the street. (I work with all guys btw.) I done this many a time and we always have a Great time.
Now, I could sit at home tonight and surf Plenty of Fish or OkCupid. I could change up my profiles and hope a cute guy who lives close, isn’t drug addicted and has a job sends me a message….or….yeah, I think you get the picture here.
So, for those of you who want to wallow in your singleton status at home….I’ll be having a drink for you….and probably be “drunk as fuck” by 11pm.
A week or so ago I started talking to a man who sounded great on paper. He is super nice, cute, has a great job, his own house, his own vehicle(s)….except that he’s recently separated/single. So recent that upon creeping his Facebook I saw that his relationship status had only changed from Married to Single on the 3rd of September. Damn. I also was able to read some of his wall posts about the break up and his comments about how he still wished he could make it work with his now ex. Double Damn.
I don’t know which part of me raised her voice that day (the bitch or the helper) but I decided I was going to call him out on it. By this time we were communicating via text message. I told him I had just finished reading all the recent posts on his Facebook and asked him how I was to interpret it all. I didn’t hear anything back…leaving me to think I creeped him out. Not the case. He texts back after a half an hour to tell me he’s deleted all those posts and comments as well as his wedding pictures (yeah, I noticed those too…) and that he definitely is single and moving on.
I told him straight up that he hasn’t been single long enough and that I can’t date him because of it. I truly believe there are stages a person has to go though after a long term relationship before they can move on to someone new. I will write about that in another post.
A few days go by and I find myself with a Saturday night to myself, no kids and plans that had fallen through. I told him this and we agreed to meet for coffee. He buys my coffee (despite my having my money in hand) and we settle into his truck to talk. (I’m not a fan of sitting in the coffee shop since other people tend to listen.)
Now I almost never about exes but since his separation is so new I know it’s the only thing on his mind. We talk about various subjects but as suspected, the exes, his and mine, keep coming up. I mentioned mine since I’ve been single longer and I was trying to tell/show him how the progression from animosity to civil can and will happen (unless the person is a psycho). All in all a good conversation that lasted a few hours.
I made a mistake here though. I became bored with the setting and decided to change it. We took a drive in my car and I specifically called it an adventure. There are many beaches close to the area where we both live but you have to pay to get in and always closed after dark. By this time I have a good sense that this guy won’t try to kill me. So…I decide the adventure is going to take us to a private beach that I know. We walked along the beach and a couple of times I think he tried to initiate physical contact. I ignored it and wrote it off as him bumping into me. Looking back on it now, the beach could have been deemed as romantic since the stars looked absolutely Amazing that night.
It was late when I dropped him back off at his car. I purposely didn’t get out so that he didn’t try to hug me. If you haven’t guessed by now, no spark…doused by his length of time being single.
I get home at 2am and at 2:15am he texts me to tell me he had a good time….and that he’s on the phone with his Mother telling her ALL about me. Umm…what? He then goes on to tell me how beautiful, awesome, mature, and smart I am. Of which I reply with, “Thanks.” Kind of felt like the exchange when someone says “I love you” way too soon. Now I’m freaked out! What 32-year-old man calls his mother at 2 something in the morning to tell her about someone he just met that night. Mama’s boy? Oh no..
From then on and throughout the week I half ignore his texts. I remind him again that I can’t date him because he is too newly single. He constantly asks how I am and sends texts at inappropriate times. (Like when I’m sleeping during the day and he Knows I’m working night shift.) Friday comes and he asks how I am, again…and I reply that I’m miserable. I explain how my car is in the shop and he offers to let me drive his truck until it’s fixed. Umm…what? Really? I politely decline even though it’s a nice truck, but no, I haven’t known him long enough to accept offers like that. Plus, who offers something like that to someone they have met only once?
I haven’t closed the book on this one yet since he does have potential to become a friend. Someone who tells him like it is seems to be what this man needs…and maybe someone to show him the ropes of being single since his Facebook has been overly dramatic with the “lonely” posts. Believe me, I called him out on that too.
One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire Cat. “Which road do I take?,” she asked. “Where do you want to go?,” was his response. “I don’t know,” answered Alice. “Then,” said the cat, “it doesn’t matter.” – ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’ by Lewis Carroll
When reading this quote it reminded me of what so many of us have to face when we are looking for someone to date. If you don’t know who you are looking for then how will you know when you find them?
This is why it’s important to “find yourself” after a long-term relationship has ended. In finding yourself you will also find bits and pieces of the person you want to accompany you for the rest of your journey.
From personal experience I found that I avoided certain activities. Not because I didn’t like them, but because the ex didn’t like them. It took a little time to realize, “Hey, I liked rollerblading before I met him. I think I still do.” AND I DO!! The feeling was very liberating to be gliding down a trail on my Rollerblades that I had not used in almost 4 years. Why had I stopped? It’s great exercise, it’s fun…but why?
Some would say I assimilated to my ex’s whims. At the time I looked at it as a compromise. I believe I said to myself that if I stop rollerblading, I can spend more time with him. What was I thinking? An hour once or twice a week doing an activity I enjoy (while he sat on a couch somewhere) would not and should not affect a relationship.
The point I’m trying to make here is that if we have a good clear sense of self then it will be easier to recognize it in someone else.