Tag Archives: love

Plenty of Fish Antics with Pics!

I have often complained using Facebook, Twitter or directly to my friends about what people do (or don’t do) when they are attempting to meet people online. I’ve started documenting some of this on my phone using the Screen Capture function. I’ve modified the screen shots to hide the person’s username and face for their privacy. I didn’t hide me…well, because you all know it’s me! :)

I want you to look closely at this picture. First I was taking a picture of the fact that once again another man has made the typo of “women” instead of “woman”. pof1Second. I noticed that he says he’s looking to find someone to marry. I have often wondered if these men subliminally don’t know what they want so they type “women” and their brain just doesn’t register the typo. I have seen it A LOT so it’s not just this guy.

 

pof2Here we have a classic example of either someone who is Really new to online dating or is just lazy. I do realize that not every person is going to respond to every message they get but at least try to put some effort into it. Saying just “hi” or “hello” is not acceptable. That being said, I have received the opposite before as well. I’ve had people send me paragraphs  in a First message where I had to reply that I wasn’t interested for whatever reason (distance, etc). Sadly, due to my frustration with these people I sometimes reply in a bit of a bitchy manner. You see this in this message and will see more of it in some other screen shots. In his profile he lists that he has a Masters Degree and bunch of other intellectual “stuff”. Impressive but what’s he going to do? Walk around with his degree stapled to his shirt and hope it gets him past the awkward moment when all he says is “Hi.” ???

 

pof3This guy here lists himself as wanting a relationship. His profile seemed decent and he looked good too so I figured I might as well send a message. It wasn’t long before he kept trying to carry the conversation in a different direction. As you can see from the screen shot I called him out on it. It’s no wonder us women get confused then get defensive when a real man messages us. Yes, the messages were happening after midnight but it was a Tuesday night and I was at work….so it’s less likely the guy was drunk…less likely but who knows!

 

 

 

pof4I am not going to judge someone for not having a car. In this day and age cars/gas are getting more and more expensive. I have dated men who do not have cars but they usually lived in the same city as myself. Lately I’ve had many men from all over (20km and more) message me and want to meet me yet they have no mode of transportation. They either expect that since I have car that I’m going to come get them or they offer me money for the gas. I’m sorry but I am Not a taxi. When it comes to something like that I expect 50/50. Gas money and driving time…because Time is a HUGE deal when you’re a parent.

 

 

 

pof5This man is in his early 40′s and I normally wouldn’t have seen his profile but he had checked me out. I clicked on it and he had only the one picture on his profile. Classic bathroom picture yet he’s wearing Sunglasses. So, being the bitch that you all know I can be, I call him out on it. He says he wants casual/no commitment and writes that he’s looking for “fun excursions”. We all know what that means… He tries to explain himself out of it but I’m not buying it at all. He then shared with me another picture where he looked NOTHING like his original picture…as in way older and heavier. I don’t care if a man is burly. It looks good on most men…but don’t hide yourself and think it’s going to be ok when the person finally see what you Really look like. Everyone deserves to be loved but no one deserves to be lied to!

 

pof6pof7 There is just NO helping this guy. He seems to think it’s perfectly OK to tell a woman he’s only just started talking to that his “Junk” is “hairless”. Wow, as you can see I was quite surprised to read that. Where he says he’s sorry in the first message I had just finished explaining that certain comments come across badly over text.

Well, I hope you all got a good laugh at some of the stuff I’ve had to deal with. I’m starting to think I should try speed dating as this online thing doesn’t seem to be working out. :P

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My Day from Hell and a Date

To say the least the month of April can go back from whence it came. It has cost me a LOT of money. I’m going to give you a little bit of a run down of what has been going on.

It started with my car. At the start of April I got a tune up done on my car. A week later the transmission on my car decided it didn’t like going in reverse. As most car owners know, transmissions are super expensive to have fixed. I’ve constantly been fixing my car (like something new every month) so I drove my car while “strategically” parking for a week. I was able to get my hands on a new “New To Me” car….where I now have payments. Ugh. But, it runs and all major parts (that I’ve fixed in my old car) are now under warranty.

A couple Fridays ago the weather in Ontario was Very un-Spring-like. So much so that we had an ice storm. We are talking, school buses cancelled, accidents every where, downed tree branches from the weight of the ice and extensive power outages. Thankfully I was still able to take my kids to school because I am in town and they don’t require to be bused there. It was my day off and I had plans to get my stereo installed in my “new” car…got to have my tunes!

As I’m waiting on the install I’m texting and reading stuff on my phone when it jumps out SmashedHTCOneXof my hand. I’ve dropped it countless times before, even on the concrete floors at work, and it’s been fine. Not this time, not on This day. Smashed. Like little bits of glass coming out and potentially into my fingers or onto my face when I went to use it type Smashed. Perfect. 

Needless to say, after the install I had to get see about a new phone. $400 and an additional year to my contract later, I have my new phone…which is the same model as my old phone sans the smashed screen. It’s the HTC One X, it’s awesome and does everything, no need to go to something else!

One to the date planned for that same night. I had been talking to a guy for a little over a week. He asked to meet me on Friday so I planned to put my son to bed at my mother’s where I would pick him up in the morning. The man was newly single and I was wary of that. Mainly because a lot of newly single men (and sometimes women)  happen to only want to do One thing, as I’ve called it before the “fuck everything that moves” stage.

NachosetcWe met up at my favorite sports bar because I figured if it didn’t go well that at least I knew I would like the food and the drinks. We were there an hour and a half before we decided to leave. I know I wasn’t feeling it and guessing he didn’t either. Oh well.

We get outside and I noticed that I had left my headlights on. Yeah, you guessed it. My battery was dead. In my “new” car. The guy didn’t have booster cables. Now what freakin’ guy doesn’t have booster cables? WTF? The guy offers to drive me home. I accepted despite not really wanting him to know where I live.

At this point I’m shaking my head wondering what kind of unlucky dark cloud is following me that day. Really? REALLY?

I was able to get a hold of one of my Best guy friends who also has booster cables. He picked me up, boosted me and made sure I was able to get my car going and home. I’m very thankful for good friends! I was very happy when midnight came in hopes that my day from Hell was over!

To conclude about my date, he messaged me the next day and said he didn’t think he was ready for what I’m looking for. Well duh. That being said he added that he would “love to see me naked” and that we should “get a little too drunk one night.”

Umm, no. I’m good.

I haven’t spoken/texted him since and do not plan on it.

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I’m feeling….

men-feelings

I want to talk about feelings today. A lot of women don’t have a problem talking about their feelings but when it comes to men….umm, no, not happening.

It’s to the point where when I do meet a man who does express their feelings I don’t actually believe him. It makes me feel overwhelmed because my brain doesn’t know how to process it all.

I’ll give an example. A while back I met a man who would compliment me constantly. I’m talking in person, through text message, etc …and it wasn’t just about my physical appearance. I had to ask him to stop. I didn’t know how to take it.

Now those aren’t necessarily feelings but what are was how this man reacted to everything. If something made him happy, sad or angry, he expressed it through his words…not all in his actions. This was a new one for me. After much thought I realized I LIKED it! There was SO much less for me to try to figure out and so much more for me to enjoy because of it.

Finally! A man who understood that I’m not freakin’ mind reader!

The sad part is that due life things didn’t work out with his man. No fault to either one of us. In turn I learned that this is a quality in a man that I would like. I realize that a man who can express his feelings is rare but there has GOT to be some more out there!

For anyone reading this…point me in the Right direction and I’ll be ALL over that!

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Smarter Online Dating Tips by @HollyCSees

Lately it takes a lot for me to get excited but last week I did….and it wasn’t about a man! LOL I was contacted via Twitter to write a short blurb about online dating. First I thought there was no way I could do that. But, after reading some of the other articles on the site I noticed that you don’t have to be a great writer, just be able to convey a message….as well be able to use spell check. The hardest part for me was trying to be concise enough to be able to fit into the 300-400 word limit without losing my message.

Well, I did it. Sent it off and within hours was e-mailed that I would be published on Sunday. Last Sunday. It looks so pretty so I’m going to share it. I didn’t get paid accept for being able to add the link to my blog in the article. It was fun…although I much prefer my usual style of writing, swearing et al.

Smarter Online Dating Tips by @HollyCSees

 

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Mr. History of Violence

When one first becomes single the thought of dating and finding someone new kind of puts you off. You spend time with your friends but after a while you start looking around. You notice that all your friends are paired up and start to think it might be nice to be paired up too. That being said, the person has to be pretty special for me to want to give up any of my independency.

The hard part of getting back “into the game” is figuring out the rules. You always want to put your best foot forward but from my experience not everyone has a best foot. This is where I learned that I should ask certain questions BEFORE I meet them. The question I should have asked with man I’m going to write about is, “Do you have a criminal record?”

This is significant because I was still going to college with “dreams” of becoming a correctional officer. I even had that information in my dating profile as I “thought” it might ward off people with criminal records and who used drugs. HA…quite the opposite. I learned quickly to take that information out as some people have sick cop/robber type fantasies.

———————-

I was single about 6 months and a man who had the traditional “bad boy” look to him kept sending me messages on the dating site. He would always compliment me and tell me that he would like to take me out. I kept declining until I found myself with some free time and decided on a whim to meet up with him.

We went out for wings and everything seemed fine. The conversation flowed fairly well until I got to the part about what I was taking in school. He got really quiet and I jokingly said, “You don’t have a criminal record, do you?”

Apparently he very much did! He had spent 3 years in a Youth facility for shooting a man when he was 14. He explained that a family member had been involved in some gang activity and was shot on their doorstep. He had picked up the weapon the shooter had dropped and shot at the shooter.

Wow…that was A LOT to take in. My mind was whirling all over the place and already trying to figure out my exit strategy.

We had continued to eat our wings and I tried to appear not to be phased by his confession. I tried to consider that it was something that happened 20 years ago when he was a Youth.

So I asked, “Do you have an adult record?”

Nonchalantly he says, “Oh, just a domestic about a year ago.”

Uhh…for those of you who don’t know “domestic” means Domestic Assault which means it was most likely against his ex. With further explanation from him I learned it very much was on his ex wife. Perfect. He tried to make the story sound in his favor (they always do) but I wasn’t buying it. Not one freakin’ word!

“Just a domestic” ….he obviously didn’t think that was a huge deal and thought it was acceptable to assault someone he supposedly cared about. Fuck That!

Needless to say, I wasn’t going to see this person again.

I gained some definite insight into what dating would be like for me. I realize dating in your 30′s that most people will have some baggage. A child or two, exes, whatever….but shooting someone and domestic assault? I can’t accept that nor would I put myself and my children in that position.

Questions and comments always welcome. :)

P.S.  - Those who know me, please don’t be alarmed. This happened approximately 2.5 years ago.

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Being open to a relationship doesn’t mean…

“Being open to a relationship doesn’t mean just my legs.” – Me

Yep, I totally thought that line up all by myself. Feel free to quote me as I think there is some truth to it.

Excuse me while I take a break from wading through the bottom feeders.

I’m clearly lost.

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Eww, Creepy Old Men

Age is just a number right? Well…sometimes.

When it comes to dating you can’t really help who you are attracted to but when it comes to online dating you can definitely narrow your search. I’m talking about age restrictions here. That being said, I try not to narrow mine too much because what if the person for me just had a birthday which puts him just over my age restrictions.

I’ll put it out there, I’m 33. I have my age restrictions set usually between 27 and 43. Usually by age 27 some men start to mature and may have a child or two. This would give him a greater understanding as to what my world is like.

As for 43, I’m starting to think I should lower it. My original reason for going that high was seeing some male profiles where the men look really good for their age, as well we had a few things in common that didn’t consist of sitting in front of some kind of screen. I made it so that if these men wanted to contact me, they could. To my surprise (and later dismay) some of them actually did.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to properly describe how I feel about these men after short conversations. First, I get bored fast because they tend not do much other than work, watch TV and go to bed early. It’s like their list of interests are just that, interests. Not things that they actually do. Hmm… Then, the conversation quickly changes to have heavy sexual undertones. Nothing “bad” actually said but mentioning that having a partner to help keep me up at night would be a good idea was kind of creepy. (Associated with the part of a conversation about my staying awake that night so I could sleep during the day for my midnight shift the next night.)

After a few of these undertones I stop responding as it clearly wasn’t a mistake.

I wasn’t in a good mood when one of these men sent one of those messages so I responded with:

“I can read between the lines and I clearly see what you’re really looking for.”

His response, “I can clearly see you’re a bitch.”

Really….maybe I am a bitch, or maybe he didn’t like that I wasn’t going to play his game. There are women out there that will be his toy and  it sure as hell wasn’t going to be me. Oh…and we can’t forget how mature his response actually was/wasn’t being 10 YEARS older than me.

I’m starting to think I should get more cats and invest in Duracell.

——————————

Upon reflecting while writing this post I have changed my highest age restriction to 40. I’ve now weeded out the creepy “old” men, now if only the Just Creepy ones had it tattooed on their forehead.

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“Sorry, my phone died.”

We all lead busy lives. Well, most of us. Myself I’m either busy with my kids, work or doing some kind of house work. That being said when I get a message from someone on a dating site I can always find time to reply…if I want to reply.

Here is what happened to make me want to write this particular post. A man sent me a message on Plenty of Fish telling me he would like to chat with me. As I was working that day I wasn’t able to reply right away. By the time I did he had sent another message. That would normally annoy me a little due to lack of patience on their part but it was something nice to read.

Longer story short, we chatted on the site for a day or so before he asked if I would like to go for a coffee. I was game to go as he seemed to be all good when it came to my criteria. Then the messages stopped yet I could see that he was online on Plenty of Fish. As stalkerish as that sounds, it’s a feature of the site! That was a Wednesday.

Friday comes and I receive this message:

“Sorry, my phone died.”

I’m thinking that maybe he sent that message to the wrong person. It could happen. Although on POF it’s harder to do since the person’s picture IS right there. I didn’t reply to the message.

He sends another message asking me if I would like to go for coffee that night. That Night being Friday night. He just assumes I’m free….and I’m going to assume he had a date cancel for Friday and now he’s looking for a backup! Umm, no. I had to work night shift all weekend anyway and but even if I were free I would have said no. I thought it was quite rude!

I did, however, call him out on his frequent Online status. I said something to the effect:

“I’m sorry but I cannot accept that you’re telling me your phone died as this site does show me, and everyone else, that you are online.”

He replies, “I have the same problem you said you have with the pof app, it doesn’t seem to shut off.”

“If your phone is dead, it doesn’t transmit, ” I reply.

Something’s dead now…and it’s the air. No reply. Oh well. :)

There’s something to be said about a man who thinks us women are stupid….and there are too many swear words I could use for them. Instead, I’ll just say he was the epitome of Disrespect.

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Part 4: Mr. Multiple Underlying Issues

I want to go back to the part where I said my mind was reeling over the last day and couple weeks. It was right after he had shown a pic of him and his ex together and proclaimed that he thought I looked like her. It’s easier and faster to kind of look at it in flack backs.

After I had added him to Facebook he mentioned to me he liked my older pictures where my hair was lighter. I didn’t think anything of if since I like my hair better that way too.

A week before I was to arrive in Ottawa I tried to lighten my hair with a box dye because I really wasn’t digging the dark brown. It didn’t work and I told him this.

Almost the first thing Sam said to me when I arrived was, “Your hair doesn’t look like it’s lighter.”

……….guess who else has lighter hair? Hmm…yep.

I’ve tried to bounce this off some people I know, mainly men at work or male friends. Most of them think the pic is ok UNTIL I tell them Sam only dated the chick for 3 months (until he caught her cheating) 2 years ago. Then they start thinking it’s a little fucked up. One male even commented that he thought it sounded like Sam was trying to relive his memories with me.

Then we add in the strange conversation about his banging an old woman…which I’m starting to think didn’t happen last Christmas, rather the one that had just passed. Who really knows and I’m Not going to ask. As well as the “turning me on” comment and evidence of it at the POF event. That was just wrong on so many levels.

You all who read this, I really want to know what you think about this.

————————

As I ended Part 3 I mentioned I hadn’t heard from Sam in a couple days. I was letting things settle yet I missed him. I was seriously weighing the pros and cons and wondering if I had over-reacted. I cared about him but did I just feel sorry for him or did I want to be with him? He truly does want a relationship with someone and eventually have a child….but it’s not going to be with me.

The first text from his is a picture of a snack we had talked about at one point but wasn’t too familiar with it. A bit random..but I guess he’s good at that.

I was busy making cookies with my son so my answers were short. I’m guessing he was taking my short answers as being too serious as he tells me “sometimes ur to serious” and that he was “just making a suggestion”.

“I’m too serious. Nice.” I replied.

“Just being honest, u need to relax and mellow out a bit.”  Thanks..now I’m annoyed.

I reply, “Do we really want to start listing flaws?” I’m trying to be civil and it looks like he’s trying to pick a fight.

“It seems to me u like to dish it out but u dont like hearing it. So if it makes u feel better than Go for it, but u would only be validating my comment sweetie ;)

Sweetie… he knows I don’t like that. I prefer someone to use my name. He’s acting like a jerk on purpose so I ask the next logical question.

I text, “Are you drunk?”

“Haha, nope! But nice come back…”

Ok, I’ve had enough. I didn’t ask for this. I’ll give him what he wants so he can have a reason to hate me.

“Ahh, so this why people block you after the fact. You turn into an ass. I had hoped to remain friends but I guess not.” We all know I could have said A LOT worse!

“U just couldnt help ur self now could u. How would u know, did u stock everyone ive been chatting with?”

I’m guessing this is in reference to me checking out the welfare bum he dated back in September. It was on his Facebook and he kept mentioning her all the time..and Not the same one he compared me to. I told him I looked and was honest about it.

“Are you done?” I replied.

“No, one last thing. Drop ur bitchy attitude and maybe u have a decent relationship…now i am done. Don’t txt me unless u want to apologize for over reacting!!” And there it is…

“Good luck in the future,” I reply.

End Drama. Please. I checked Facebook and he had already blocked me. Cool. I won’t be subjected to anything on there.

———————

When I first met him I kept wondering how he was single. He has a decent personality, he looks good, works out, works for the government, his own place and car. What is wrong with this man?

I get it. I SO Get It.

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Part 3: Mr. Multiple Underlying Issues

I’m pretty quiet on the bus ride to the area where the POF event is being held. We get there and as I mentioned in my review of the event, it was PACKED! The first thing I did was get a drink, a wonderfully made Caesar, of which was gone in probably a minute. I get another, Sam has his beer and we find a spot to stand near the dance floor.

I’m starting to get into the music a bit and trying to forget the bullshit from earlier. I explained in the review that it was an older crowd at this event. Most of which were a lot older than us. There were some tables close to us and at one of them has a couple making out. The couple looked to be in the early 60s.

If one were to describe them I would accept sweet or cute. Sam turns to me and says, “That’s turning me on.”

I laugh and say, “You’re joking right?”

He says, “I’m not joking, ” and points down to the front of his pants. Oh my god…I’m not drunk enough for this.

Where the hell did the sweet, caring, NORMAL man go that I had initially met? All of a sudden he’s showing pics of other chicks, banging biddies, comparing me to an old ex, and being turned on by people who could be my grandparents? Am I being Punked? Seriously! Where is the freakin’ camera?

I slam back my second drink and get another. It’s while waiting on my third drink that I overhear the conversation I mentioned at the end the review I wrote in another post. Sam had gone to check out some of the art work (which was actually quite decent) and I went back to our spot. All of a sudden he comes back and and says, “Did you see that?”

“See what?”

“This chick took a sip of my beer and gave me a kiss.”

“…ok?”

Then he proceeds to try and make out with me right then and there. Umm…no. I have no desire for this man to touch me. No way!

After this I start thinking that perhaps the reason he wanted me to come this event was to show the Ottawa women that he could get chick. The alcohol is not helping to quell my anger. Well duh. I find myself getting more and more pissed off. I knew I had to leave. We had only been there for about an hour but end up staying for 2 hours. We did slow dance to a couple dances and he held onto me as if it were the last thing he was going to do. I didn’t know if he was showing off or was just that into it.

The bus ride back was very quiet. If I had not been drinking that night I would have driven the 3 hours home. I changed into my pajamas (which I hadn’t worn all weekend so far) and sit on the couch expecting to talk.

Sam changes as well then picks up his cat, sits down beside me and says in his high pitched baby talk voice, “CatsName, how can we make MyName feel better?” More than once he said this as I refused to respond to a grown man who wasn’t actually talking to me.

We went to bed. I shared his bed but I would not let him touch me. I laid there until almost 5am thinking about everything. Sam has issues. Multiple underlying issues.

In the morning Sam gets up before me and makes coffee but doesn’t seem to want to talk about the night before.

I speak up and say, “Are we going to talk about last night like adults?”

And so we talk, kind of. He’s stuck on how he doesn’t understand why I’m upset about the ex comparison. Twice during the conversation he had to go to the bathroom but I don’t really think he was actually using it. From other conversations we had had about his work and from the one I was trying to have with him I definitely felt Sam has an issue with face to face confrontations. I wasn’t raising my voice and I had him confirm that I wasn’t.

As much as my mind kept wanting to focus on the bad I tried to compliment him as well. I told him I appreciated all the things he did like cooking and that I thought he was a terrific lover. I just can’t get passed all the weird shit that had happened that weekend. I even left/hid $100 in cash under his clothes to help pay for all the extra groceries, etc that he had bought for my arrival.

When I went to leave I did give him a hug and a kiss. I was sad and still am since I had started caring for Sam. He said he hoped I would change my mind once I had more time to think about it all. Later that night I logged into POF because I had gotten a message from that guy I mention in the review. I also saw that Sam was online. I deleted my account. I didnt/don’t want to deal with that crap right now.

He wished me Happy Birthday on Tuesday morning, my actual birthday. I thanked him and that was the last I heard from him until today. It had been 2 days since my birthday. I had missed our communication but I wanted to let things settle before I sent a message.

Sam’s attitude was a bit different this time though…

Soon Part 4, last one I swear!

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